I got a back room in the brain, and it’s a far sight better than the crap that’s been shoveled at me lately. Now, I’m old hack when it comes to the curveball life can whip at you, but this is a new breed of effluence and reeks of high-grade manipulation. The Great Machine and it’s keepers have been working overtime and frankly it’s mucking up the Flow. Hey, I didn’t piss on their patio – leave me and mine to our own ends, and we’ll call it a day.
See, from the Back Room you can see out onto everything that is. But it’s a tiny friggin’ window and you have to find something to prop yourself up on to see anything through it. And you can’t come up the back stairs unless the door’s locked tight behind you. Just a keyhole to remind you of what’s waiting for you back in the Mud World. You can see EVERYTHING, but there’s no way you can take it back out the door. Just whatever fits through the keyhole, or a handful of trinkets. No notes, no photos, no streaming video. Just impressions and a nagging ache to share the view.
My wife’s running half-naked to the kitchen for a late-night snack. I’m propping myself up enough to hammer digits to the only fully-functional computer we own. (My wife has cats – I have computers.) I’m searching frantically for a stubby or the can of tobacco to roll another. Pop. Pinch. Spin. Clean. Paper. Twist. Seal. Just saved $4.50 on a pack of smokes. Fumble for the lighter – front left… nope. Gotta get up and search for the damn thing. Like it’s not as vital to my existence as my pocket knife and key ring. These are things I can take into and out of the Back Room, and are extensions of myself.
Ands somehow this is an enlightened life. Puking, “Oh, god I’ll NEVER do it again!!” heaving, wracked in hellish spasms in a state of mind that insists on screaming it will all be okay if I just rested on the cool, damp floor… Righteous existence, indeed. Saturday night with the Gang, last day of the work week, no food, and plenty of alcohol. At least I’m an amusing drunk. And it’s a rare day indeed when excess becomes wretched.
I don’t advocate not living – I also don’t believe reckless abandon helps you read into the Big Story. It’s a simple assignment. Question everything. As far as I can tell, it’s about re-examing EVERYTHING you’re taking in and putting out and finding a way to let chaos dictate your actions. Your life should be a controlled spiral into oblivion. If you’re not open to honest and critical examination, you’re not believing in your own brand of bullshit. Find the core of who you TRULY are by challenging everything you know about yourself.
Because that’s what this time is all about. This is AWAKENING – giving yourself a big enough window out of the Back Room that you can truly be a part of what’s coming down the pike. Surf’s up, my brothers and sisters – embrace everything about yourself that you hate. Salvation’s just outside that little window.
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